Sunday, 5 October 2008

A Very Dangerous Situation

We have used the experience of solving a mystery to create our own writing....

It was war time. I, Patrick Van Slown am a soldier. A German bomb hit my life - long friend's tank. No - one else survived. Nothing. Nothing except the metal parts of the tank and the bomb shell. I feel so very, very sad.

I tried to walk but it was no use I dragged my body along, limping. Suddenly I saw a plane flying over me I closed my eyes, wishing I was somewhere else, I was sure it was going to be an attack!! It flew straight over. Opening my eyes, I stared into the sky.

Strangely, I recognised the type of plane. It was the type that Professor Potter was building. The next thing I knew there was a tank driving towards me - I was doomed this time!!! Immediately Neil, another friend, dived and held me under the tank. Phew.

We got back up and helped me up to the cliff for shelter to recover. Hesitant, I turned and saw a giant insect. I was hallucinating. Desperate, I ran to Neil and helped him to attack.

1 comment:

Grimley & Holt said...

Well done Guy. I can see evidence that you are using different sentence types especially emotion comma.You have also tried hard to make it tense. Can you add more adjectives using 2A sentences?